In this story I provide as much detail as I can about both the internal and the external perspectives of the sand world Creator. Violet chose the white sand as it was the only option available in the 6-inch-deep tray. She felt the need to “move lots of sand.” The impetus for her sand tray emerged during deep bodywork in which an old defense pattern was addressed. At the end of that session, her various mind/body stances and how her patterns had evolved over time were discussed. The provider suggested she work on these themes using the Sandtray process. I advocate creating sand worlds focused on illuminating human experience toward further self-understanding and the identification of previously unknown resources. This article offers a detailed look at the internal workings as Violet both forms and reflects on her world.
Our attitudes about what we encounter in our lives do not solely reside in our thoughts but also form our bodies. It is useful when we can know our physical patterns and how they function with our thoughts, words, and actions. Tuning into our bodies may also provide us resources to change old, unhelpful habits. This vignette provides an example of how change occurred for one person. Psychiatrist Daniel Siegel affirms, “Input from the body forms a vital source of intuition and powerfully influences our reasoning and the way we create meaning in our lives (1).” More than offering intuition, bioenergeticist Stanley Keleman asserts that “Human anatomy is thus more than a biochemical configuration; it is an emotional morphology (2).” Throughout my career, psychotherapy has been evolving from a view of body/mind duality toward seeing ourselves as an organismic whole. The work of Panksepp, Porges, Ogdon, and others provide frameworks for us to become more wholistic practitioners.
This sand world explores two of Violet’s different stances or approaches to the world. One is to be open and to “freely receive and employ” what comes and demonstrates the ability to decide how to respond. Her values related to this form include the self-confidence that one can face life upright with the capacity to embrace difficulties, resolve them, and learn from them without being crushed. For Violet this stance is physiologically upright, forward looking, arms out, and open. The other, more problematic form for her, is of putting one’s head down and barreling forward without self-connection or self-consideration. This approach is about getting the task done—at any cost. Beliefs related to this posture include that everything is a challenge, and that life is a fight to survive to get what one needs. In this view defense is the best offence. Physiologically, this form is hard, tight, torqued, and defended (Figure 1).
To make sense of Violet’s narrative and the photos, I need to clarify how I characterize the physical arrangement of a sand tray. When a rectangle tray is used as it is here, I describe the place where the Witness (therapist) sits as the south, and the Creator’s (client’s) position, usually directly across from the Witness, as north. Most often this is the initial positioning, with both at the longer sides of a tray. To the left of the Witness is designated as the west, and to the right of the Witness the east. This became significant in this story as Violet formed her world from the west, a short end of the tray. Such a perspective is less common in my experience, particularly for adults.
Violet’s first action was to pile sand up as high as it could go in dry sand, making an uphill formation. Although some pulling toward her occurred, the primary focus was pushing the sand up and away from herself as she stood. Her thoughts included, “This is not a level playing field…I have to prove that I’m enough, that I can win.” As the sand formed into a pile, a distinct sense of an uphill struggle emerged. Then Violet placed the rocks, “Some are pretty, but hard to pass…They are a solid wall of obstacles” (Figure 2).
Going to the shelves, Violet searched for “just the right figure” for some time. In a bin of 45 miniature sportsman, one stood out—a “football quarterback.” With a ball in hand, he was tightened in defense to charge toward the goal. Although this figure’s head was not actually tucked in as much as she desired, it would have to do. Violet placed him near the west edge of the sand world in front of her and stated, “He’s only one guy he has no team…he must do it himself and it seems impossible.” She moves him toward the rocks in slow motion describing that he “runs” hard and fast to go forward. She shares that, “His head is tucked down so tightly that he doesn’t see anything other than the ground right in front of him” (Figure 3).
The quarterback gradually sinks deeper and deeper into the sand, making it harder and harder for him to move (Figure 4). As the quarterback is pushed toward the rocks, his belief is that he can’t succeed unless he barrels forward, “He must protect his heart.” Because his head is down, he cannot see the cracks in the rock wall that may provide a pathway through. He is unaware of these opportunities to advance, only sensing the rocks as a solid barrier “The harder he tries the deeper he goes into the sand…he can barely breathe…then he’s gone” (Figure 5).
The quarterback remains buried under the sand in front of the rock wall. Only a small hill of sand marks his position. At first Violet felt “flat.” Then a long period of Silent Reverie occurred. Although unseen, the quarterback remains energetically present. Profound sadness emerges and her tears well up, “When he is under the sand, he has no power to move, he buried himself.” After sitting with these emotions Violet took photos of the rock wall, illuminating several passages through it (one of these can be seen to the right in figure 5).
After grieving the quarterback’s self-defeating choices there is a felt shift in Violet’s mood. Next, three items come into the world quickly: a nurturing grandmother with children (a Native American “Waka Hey” or inner wisdom doll); a woman with her arms out holding a bowl, “She has an open stance to receive experiences, and she is able to see around her,” and a Netsuke with a baby. In some unknown way the grandma and the Netsuke are supporting the woman. They are all facing the hump of sand where the quarterback is underground, they honor him (Figure 6). Again, Violet reflects silently. Next, Apache tears and a heart are placed in the woman’s bowl and Violet says, “Profound sadness, yet deep love.” More reflection occurs, then an angel is placed up on one rock and a white lotus on another. The lotus contains two tiny black figures, one is praying (“devotion”), and the other’s arms are raised in joy. These figures are specifically focused on the buried quarterback. Although he is unseen, they send him their energy and support. Violet’s breathing becomes easier, her body is more relaxed, and her mood is becoming even lighter.
At this point another feeling shift occurs, which Violet identifies as “emerging joy.” Three more items are placed into the world together: a spirit pony (raku horse), a pewter phoenix placed on top of the buried quarterback’s hill, and a purple alebrijes giraffe. They join the circle facing the quarterback’s hill. Together these miniatures bring increased energy, a sense of play, and greater confidence which is felt inside of Violet’s body, primarily in her chest and radiating through her torso. Her breathing is now full and uninhibited. These figures paved the way for the female wizard to “leap up to the top of the rock wall and face” the empty side of the world. This wizard holds the energies of determination, strength, confidence to face forward, to move forward, and a willingness to delineate what is ahead. Suddenly a whimsical alebrijes is added, which augments the sense of joyful play (Figure 7).
With further reflection Violet rises and walks around the world, continuing to reflect silently. A question came forth, “What is the future?” She then quickly placed the painted coconut shell, three glass balls, and lastly she set a blue glass dish sideways at the opposite (east) end of the tray stating, “This is all the unknown, the cosmos.” A sense of harmony and the belief that she could face the future with a more open stance and less fear became solidified.
Reflections and Discussion
For those who know my work, you may have surmised that I created this Sandtray myself. I found it easier to write this story in the third person. Sharing my inner sensations and thoughts seemed the only way that I could demonstrate how the internal flow of the Sandtray process can work. To share some ways in which creating this sand tray has benefited me requires personal revelation.
Research informs us that deeply ingrained patterns are established in the first three years of life. I don’t have actively conscious access to those memories. I do have a sense that tasks that were routine for others were hard for me. As an awkward child I was the family “klutz.” As a professional adult I learned that I had learning disabilities and ADHD. Such patterns were not identified by educators in my childhood. As a youth with a kinesthetic and visual-thinking brain, I adapted by tightening up to survive in a school system that solely focused on rote, auditory learning. College was not expected of me, so I needed to advance that goal on my own. The task orientation and disconnect of the quarterback in this story are well known to me and have been a focus of my own therapy intermittently over decades.
Revisiting the more elusive manifestations of this defense pattern provides me a greater opportunity to know myself and to decrease physical pain in my body from excessive tightness. The additional perspective provided by this sand work brought me to even greater body awareness. I am more able to identify the early onset of the “quarterback pattern.” Embracing this pattern instead of rejecting it, I recognize its important role in my being who I am now. Using the framework that Merry Clayton sings, “These are beautiful scars that I have on my heart, this is beautiful proof that I’ve made it this far” helps me to understand the deep honoring of the quarterback pattern expressed in the sand. Results of doing this Sandtray process include a decrease in negative self-talk, a deeper commitment to engage in somatic exercises, and an increase in my ability to hold on to my capacity to stand up and face an unknown future with both joy and strength. The trigger for this pattern was the insidious advancement of my beloved life-partner’s decline. Until this Sandtray work I had not absorbed the amount of increased demand on me from this situation, nor my defenses to push through. Also, recognizing my growth in shifting this quarterback pattern from overt to subtle over the decades, makes me proud of the work I have done.
Unfortunately, Violet’s Sandtray process occurred without a Witness. I consider the lack of a Witness a huge drawback. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of having a Witness for a Sandtray session. In the style of Sandtray that I teach, the Witness may provide both reflection and inquiries to help a Creator expand their knowledge of the world formed. The aspect that I call Silent Reverie could not be shared in the intersubjective field with a supportive person. The aspect that I call Reflecting/Directing cannot exist without a Witness. The aspects of Entering and Exploring the World can only be used solo in a very limited manner. A Witness would be able to gently challenge my blind spots. I had no one to share this experience with or to prompt me toward exploring less obvious (to me) areas of potential growth.
Looking back, some areas that a Witness may have helped me explore include:
- I stated that the quarterback “runs,” but his actions were in very slow motion.
- Once photography illustrated spaces where the quarterback might pass through, why did he stay buried and unable to move?
- Helping me enter the frozen/stuck experience of the quarterback more deeply, not only where he landed, but in all the stages along the way.
- What was the relationship between the Whaka Hey and the Netsuke? What did they think, feel, and expect?
- How did each figure supporting/honoring the quarterback experience their role and that of the others?
- What was the connection between the quarterback and the phoenix?
- What qualities allowed the wizard to “leap up” to the rock wall?
I strongly encourage people to explore this wonderful Sandtray method with others. That said, this presentation may be a model for those therapists who have no Witness available. If one must work alone, it is useful to have integrated what I call the Aspects of the Sandtray Session to guide oneself. Slow, multiple Silent Reverie periods are required to cultivate the experiences formed. Taking notes or dictation and stopping to photograph is only useful when doing so will not pull you out of your attention or rhythm. In some ways a camera may function as a Witness for your later reflection— but nothing beats a real person.
References:
I am remiss that I did not get exact pages for you. The Siegel quote is from Mindsight; the Keleman material includes journals from the 1980’s. His old and hard to find books that I recommend are: Emotional Anatomy and Embodying Experience.
The song Beautiful Scars was written by Diane Warren, sung by Merry Clayton on the CD of the same name. This song is a wonderful message for trauma survivors.